(re)fuel when empty.

Dear Omma, 

Forgive me; I've let life get in the way of these letters these past couple of months. I could say it's because there wasn't much to say, or because there wasn't enough time. The truth is, I needed the pause - to step away from worry, troubleshooting, planning...and to just BE. To remind myself that your life, my life, our lives...are more than just about your sickness.  

In early July, we said goodbye to Uncle David (Goh Moh Bu), much sooner than we had anticipated. Just when the family was starting to get its bearing back after your surgery, GMB's liver failure progressed rapidly, with his prognosis diminishing from a few months and then to a few weeks, before he passed away at home on July 1st.

I'm grateful to the man who gave me an American childhood full of camping trips and water slides, who taught me to love deviled eggs and barbecue, and who came to school events like he was my second dad. I'm grateful to the companionship he and Aunt Sukhui (Goh Moh) gave you and Dad, even when he pretended to still not understand Korean after 40 years of listening to your conversations. I'm grateful for how he welcomed the whole family home every Christmas, giving us that tradition to continue. And I'm grateful for the love and support he gave me as the niece he was constantly proud of, even if our ideologies didn't always connect. 

His passing reminded me that what truly matters is how we love each other while we have the chance to - that even if you argue or disagree, it all comes down to how you show up over and over again for those you love. He's reminded me that we're each born with a capacity for love, and it's up to us to determine how and to whom we direct that love. And that it's also about how we spend our time and energy to develop that love, until we are overflowing. 

These past few weeks, Mom, we've found things to argue about (hooray for being healthy enough to argue again!), and also things to celebrate. You and Dad sold your store of 30+ years, your home of almost 25 years and officially moved into your "retirement" home. You also had your first 3-month follow-up with the scans coming back blessedly "clean". I think this is your/our new normal, Mom...at least for now. With both you and Dad now officially retired and with you in the clean, I wish for you continued good health, strong spirits, and peace to enjoy everything around you. 

I love you, Omma. 

may you forever keep each other in good company.